onlyapparate | twenty; [voice, filtered to staff & ADULTS.] talking about my feelings is what I do best.

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twenty; [voice, filtered to staff & ADULTS.] talking about my feelings is what I do best.

Well... It's been a hard couple days, but I've been managing. Keeping myself busy... between Raphael and my DADA preparations, I'm fully aware that I'm trying to distract myself from the problem here. [ Here there's a nervous laugh. ] I can't very well hide, can I? That's not who I am ~~anymore~~ so...

Kallen? Could I speak to you? In person, preferably. I'm in my office, but I can go to you if that would be more comfortable.

[ pause. pause. still recording here, Tobi. ]

Oh! And... Professor Bainbridge, I got the supplies you ordered. Would you like me to take them down later?

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There's nothing to talk about.

I think there is. We need to confront this problem, Kallen. Together.

There is nothing together about this.

That's the problem, isn't it?

You shouldn't have to deal with it alone.

...

Deal with it alone? I've always done that. I don't need you help me deal with a problem... especially one that doesn't exist.

You're still dealing with it because of that, aren't you? You're not alone anymore, Kallen. Denying it won't make it go away.

Because of what, Thobari?

[ sighs. ]

Because of the problem with your father.

[ deep breath. ]

I'm not like him, nor is every other man by default. We're human, just like you. We make mistakes. We're entitled to our feelings.

I'm not perfect, Kallen, but I'm a far cry from kind of person who betrays everyone who cares about them.

Whatever you have left to say, fine. I'll agree to meet with you in person.

Tread carefully with your words.

[Give her some time.... more time than usual. She does take a quick shower (because she hadn't taken one since Castiel's been hanging around, so paranoid) and heads out. She's still not feeling like herself. But she makes it to the school and to his office. She's still nice enough to knock on the door.]

[ Thobari sighs. He can tell Kallen is on edge. He needs to stay calm for the both of them. He really wants this to work out, but they have to talk. ]

Come in. [ He calls, standing up from his desk and moving toward the door. He figures it'd be safer than possibly having his own door shut in his face. ]

[She lets herself in and closes the door behind her. Her eyes look tired and slightly confused from the lack of sleep. But she's hiding it as well that she can. Her glances are unwavering and sharp.]

As you were saying.

[ Woah, Kallen doesn't look well... ]

Y-you can sit down first, if you'd like. I have some tea...

Then, if you'd hear what I have to say, I'd like you to tell me what you think.

Standing is fine and I don't need anything, thank you.

I will tell you what I think once you're done.

[ He sighs. ]

You don't have to always push yourself. I'm trying to help you, just--- I know you're mad at me. And I know what I did was wrong. I've come to terms with that, thanks to the people around me.

But I also think you overreacted. And I also think this is something that you need to come to terms with. Why it exploded like this, why you're still so mad at me... If we talk about this, we can set things right.

But we need to do it together.

Are you implying that all of this is my fault? I believe I have ever right to be upset. [She shifts her footing.]

I told you, there's nothing to talk about, nothing to do together. What you did hurt me, and despite it all, you did it. So that's why I left. I left leave before you decided to hurt me again. Unlike my mother, I won't stay in a position where I will constantly hurt by someone who I cared for.[She means leave the scene, not leave ie. break up.]

We're both at fault, you just need to see that.

You're assuming I'm going to keep hurting you like that! You're assuming that it meant more than just a glance, that I did it on purpose and that I'd keep disregarding your feelings at all times! You're assuming I'm no worse than your father, Kallen, and that is rude, insulting, and wrong.

I'm confronting you because I care about you. I care about us, and I refuse to believe that you don't as well. --But we both need to do our part in fixing this. Relationships aren't one-way streets.

We are not at fault for something you did. You were wrong and I don't see why you insist on putting the blame on me. After what happened, Thobari, I don't know what you'll do. I don't plan to stick around to find out to be hurt more in the end.

If you knew, then why did you do it? I would have never dared to do such a thing.

You care-- [a scoff] about me? Us? Don't make me laugh. If you cared, you wouldn't have done what you did. Relationships aren't one-way streets, yes, but they shouldn't contain liars either. [Now she's showing her anger.]

You made me believe in you... that you were different. That you weren't going to treat me like every other male has. So what? Is all of this a lie now? Did you do this to try and get over on me? I'm not... just going to be some easy lay for you. I cared about you, believe I could have come to fall in love with you. I can't now.

I can't be with a liar, nonetheless fall in love with one.

[ Shit just got real. Thobari's tone gets deadly serious. ]

Kallen. As the woman I love, there are some things you should know about me. We need to get these straight.

I am a lot of things. I am emotional. I am extroverted. I become upset easily, and I forgive even faster, because people who are important to me mean the world to me. I have no one left outside of my friends, and I enjoy showing them affection, [ here, he looks away with a bitter smile ] because I honestly, seriously, I didn't do it enough as a child. I spend my life in fear of my memories, but I continue smiling because others shouldn't be troubled by my pain. Because despite what happened, I've made it this far.

I draw my strength from others, but I am not weak. [ Here his face turns extremely grave. ] And I am not a liar.

[It's that grave look that sets Kallen more on edge. He was mad. Thobari was mad. She did just call him a liar didn't she? Not once, but twice. And did-- did he just say he loves her? What? She can't-- She didn't want to find out these thing about him like this. Some of these things she knew but--

Was she wrong?

But she couldn't be? She was never wrong. Her parents and teachers praised her. They never scolded her. Kallen didn't mind that he was emotional. That wasn't the issue. She was afraid of being hurt, of having her independence taken from her. He told her it was okay to lean on him. The more she did that, the more she lost of it.]

[It's then she thinks about this situation as rationally as her mentality will allow at the moment.

No, Thobari wasn't her father. She knew this. But she couldn't get the comparison out of her head. Kallen didn't want Thobari to leave her for someone else.

"I'll leave him before he leaves me."

She could keep her pride and gain back her independence. But ever since they "broke up" she was a slight wreck and the 'haunting' of Castiel didn't help. It hurt not to be with him. She wanted to trust him but there was something mentally blocking her.]

[She pushed him away because she didn't want to get hurt. How ugly. And even after all this, he loves her? No, that's not right. She didn't dare call him a liar again, but how could he love someone was ugly as her? No, this isn't right. Love? No, he couldn't.]

[This was falling apart. She was falling apart. No no no, she couldn't do that. This all made sense now and her pride made it so it didn't make sense. "He hurt you, he's just like her father." But if she had let go of her mentality, her pride, perhaps, she could see that she had fallen in love with him. But no, she couldn't have done that. Love? She had no idea what that was. But life hurt without him there, but she didn't want to be hurt by him.

Everything she stood for.... gone. And the one thing she didn't want most... was she didn't want to be like her mother. Her mother apologized when her father cheated on her. She did nothing wrong. Kallen didn't want to become her mother. This wasn't her fault!

Yes it was. For letting it spiral into this mess, that was Kallen's fault.]

[All the while, she said nothing. Thobari was probably waiting for her to say something wasn't he? She had cut off her gaze from him the minute his anger boiled over. Blue eyes stayed glued to the floor. Silently, she said... the one thing she didn't want to do in this situation.]

I'm sorry.

[Slowly, Kallen turned to leave and walked out the door, closing it behind her.]

[ And really, that's all it takes to melt the anger Thobari had building up inside. He can't stay mad. Not for something like this. She didn't even mean it, probably-- ]

Kallen, wait--!

[ He reaches futilely for her, but she's already out the door. ]

I'm supposed to be the one apologizing.

... I take it that things are still not well..

I'm... working on it.

Yes; thank you! That would be fine. Let me know when, and I'll open up the classroom.

[[Pretend this wasn't late? XD;;;;;~]]

Alright. Is it okay if I pass by next week? I still have a few... things to deal with.

[[I would've waited forever, bb~]]

Certainly; whenever is convenient. The new stock of inks will be in by then.

[[<3!~]]

Great. Thanks for understanding.

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