eighteen; life is not dandy

[onlyapparate]

[Filtered to Kallen;]
Kallen, I... Are you alright? You left in such a hurry that I... Did I do something wrong?
[/Filter]

Raphael's demeanor has improved a bit. I think it has to do with the fact that I've so far protected him from Anna. I don't know what that says about me, of course, protecting Castiel's killer from what sounds like the only woman he ever cared about... I still don't think I should take him home as he is; it's taken him long enough to adjust to my office and my chambers; I don't think a kitten his age should be moved around quite so much.

As for Anna, she seems very restless lately. I've been sending her out on a lot of miscellaneous errands to get her out of my office, but insofar it hasn't worked much. She's always squawking at Raphael (when she isn't trying to attack him) and quite honestly, it's starting to worry me. And since sending her to the Owlry isn't an option, well...

Is anyone good with pets? Spencer's busy, and not many people are left in the castle, so... Castiel? You named them, right? Would it be too soon to ask for your assistance?

[[ strikes not hackable. Also, my internet has been really unreliable lately, so expect sporadic replies :< ]]

Comments

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

Am I... supposed to just accept your apology?

Re: filtered;

[onlyapparate]

No, it hurts, but I'd understand if you didn't. What I did was wrong. Just... hurting you wasn't my intention.

[ cue beating himself up. all Thobari can think is 'I wasn't strong enough for you, obviously.' ]

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

Thobari, I trusted you. You were different and then--

If you didn't want to be with me, you could have just said so. If my age was really that big of a deal to you...

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

No. No, it's not that. I do want to be with you. Age has nothing to do with it.

I just... I was weak and that weakness hurt you. I can't apologize enough; even if I didn't mean what I did.

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

Are you saying what you did was unintentional? Despite for long you were staring?

Re: filtered;

[onlyapparate]

Yes, unfortunately. I forgot myself. I forgot you.

It was stupid. Pointless. I spaced out and there's no excuse for it.

I'm sorry.

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

Thobari, you spent a lot of time with my mother. Did she tell you why I don't trust men?

Re: filtered;

[onlyapparate]

She... didn't tell me explicitly but...

I know. It meant nothing to me, but it meant the world to you. I knew that, and that's why it's unforgivable. I'm sorry.

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

Then let me tell you.

My father cheated on my mother while they were still together. He divorced her and then married the woman who is my step mother. You know what he did?

He looked at another woman in my mother's presence, just like you.

Don't apologize anymore. I've already heard it. Point is, you knew and you still did it.

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

[ drawn out siiiiigh. ]

I know now, in retrospect. At the time, I wasn't thinking.

That's all I can apologize for, Kallen. I made a mistake.

Just know that I wouldn't do that, Kallen. Things like that, that kind of betrayal... Something like that does nothing but hurt and take defile everything that love stands for. It's inexcusable.

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

Once you've started, you don't stop. [She doesn't mean YOU as in Thobari, but a collective you as in all males.]

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

That isn't always true. People can change, Kallen.

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

Then prove it.

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

I've already changed, Kallen. [ You should have seen him in highschool, man. ]

What you saw was a lapse in judgement, it wasn't who I am.

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

So which part of 'you' am I suppose to trust now?

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

Whichever part you feel you can trust.

I can't force you into trusting me. I won't guilt you into it.

You're free to what you want, Kallen.

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

...

Fine then.

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

You wouldn't be you if I made the choice for you.

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

I don't need you to tell me that, Thobari. [Bitter? No, not at all~]

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

I know. You're very strong, Kallen.

[ P.S. he is saying all this while he is pretty much CRUSHED inside. But since he wants her to be happy~ ]

filtered;

[zealotringly.livejournal.com]

And I don't need you to tell me things I already know. ['I was stronger without you.' is what she's thinking. Baw Thobari.]

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

I understand. If that's what you've decided.